Surviving vs. Thriving: Why I Choose Survive
I've seen a lot of articles titled something like, "How to Thrive and Not Just Survive in Life," or "Surviving is No Way to Live--You Must Thrive!" In the past, I found that these types of articles inspired and motivated me to be better--to do more, be more, create more. They caused me to take a look at my life and decide if I was surviving or thriving, and helped me make my life more meaningful and important.
Nowadays--not so much.
After 6 months of facing a mystery illness that has caused me to constantly feel the worst sickness I've ever experienced and more pain than I can describe, I've decided to redefine what survive and thrive mean to me.
The past six months I've been pushing myself to continue living my life. I've gone to work feeling like death, I've been contemplating a move out of state to start a high-paying job, and I've tried to keep pushing myself to reach various goals that I set for myself. Needless to say, I'm burnt out and exhausted because of this. I'm trying to thrive, but my body is too sick to thrive. I'm not thriving. I'm actually getting worse.
What I really need to do right now is just survive. I need to stop stressing myself out with work. I need to step away from work, from job searching, from trying to perfect everything in my life because I cannot do any of those things until I get better.
I don't know when I'll get better. I don't know when the doctors, if ever, will finally make a miraculous breakthrough and tell me what's wrong with me and how I can fix it. I HAVE NO DANG CLUE! It sucks, but it's the reality.
The reality is that I simply will not be able to thrive until I am better. I can try to adapt to the constant sickness and pain, ignore my body telling me to stop trying to do all the things, and accept this new normal--or, I can take time off from life and focus ALL of my effort on getting to the bottom of my health problems. That should be my only focus in life right now. I can't move states, get a new job, find a husband, have children, or live any sort of a 'normal' life if I continue to be this ill.
This is so hard for me. It's so hard for me to be 'lazy' and to not have 500 goals and a to-do list every day. It's so hard for me to lay in bed while everyone else is out 'grinding.' GOSH IT'S HARD!
But I have a better shot of getting to the bottom of this mysterious ailment if my mind isn't elsewhere. I have a better shot at getting better.
Once I get better, I can thrive. For now, I just have to survive.
If you're sick, or hurt, or mentally drained--I suggest you take the same approach as me. Allow your mind and body to heal completely before you resume your thriving lifestyle. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in a quasi-thriving, unfulfilling life because you failed to address your issues. Get better, then be better.
I WILL SURVIVE! (I had to.)