when anxiety holds you back (all of the the damn time)

I love playing soccer.

I'm standing across the street from a soccer field where 10 of my closest friends are playing a heated game of soccer. Naturally, my first instinct is to run over there and join in.

The problem is...I'm chained to a wall on the other side of the street.

It's not a metal chain--more of a zip-tie that could most definitely be broken if I really tried. 

So there I am...tied to this wall as I see all of my great friends playing my favorite sport right in front of me. 

I want to run over there but that zip-tie is somewhat in my way. I decide it is not worth it. I decide to stay stuck to the wall.

Anxiety. Like an abusive partner who won't let me break free. He wants all of my attention and keeps me from feeling free and full of joy.

Certain opportunities are a distant dream that I cannot seem to grasp because anxiety just won’t grant me its license. There are so many undertakings that I crave, and still, the trepidation is far too much. What even is this fear? Where does this come from? I can yearn for something more than anything in the world but this cruel, inexplicable safety harness keeps me from reaching toward it. 

It is so much more than a comfort zone--a safety net. No...it is a locked door to which a key has not yet been generated. It is a plastic bag that has been super glued to my neck.

I have not given up. I'm crafty. I know a great locksmith. I own goo-gone.

I have not given up. I'm just vigilant and moving forward.